May 30, 2005

Why I'm Joining the GOP

I am not joining the Grand Old Party.

Jeff Gillenkirk, the speechwriter for former New York Governor Mario Cuomo, is leaving the Left for fun and profit.

After a lifetime voting for and working for Democratic candidates and independents, I'm finally going to make the switch and become a Republican.

The reasons are many, not the least of which is age. I turned 55 recently and, having lived more than half my life, I can't afford to worry anymore about the other guy. It's time for me. [...]

Let Democrats continue promising the "greatest good for the greatest number." Republicans clearly have my number -- No. 1.
As a Republican, Jeff only cares about here and now. No need to be concerned about global warming, ozone depletion, fished-out oceans and disappearing wetlands or roads, bridges, schools, police, fire protection, Medicare, Social Security, regulation of the airwaves and Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay, Iraq, Afghanistan.

As a Republican, I can now proudly -- indeed, defiantly -- pledge to never again
vote for anyone who raises taxes for any reason. To hell with roads, bridges,
schools, police and fire protection, Medicare, Social Security and regulation of
the airwaves.

President Bush has promised to give me more tax cuts even though our federal government owes trillions of dollars to its creditors. But that's someone else's problem, not mine. Republicans are about the here and now, and I'm here now.

As a Republican, I can favor exploiting the environment for everything she's got. No need to worry about quaint notions like posterity and natural legacy. There are plenty of resources left for everyone, and if we don't use them, someone else will.
As a Republican, it is essential for Jeff to preach GOP 'moral values'.

As a Republican, I can insist on strict moral values when it comes to sex and ignore the growing moral chasms in business, politics, sports, journalism and the leadership of the Roman Catholic Church.

A society that loses control of its sexual urges faces unwanted pregnancies, socially transmitted disease, broken families. Those overzealous about wealth, however, produce only a higher GDP, lifelong security for their family and more minimum wage jobs for the lower classes. What's wrong with that?

As a Republican, I can favor strict punishment of criminals, except for those who happen to be my friends or neighbors. Isn't that the very definition of community -- looking out for friends and family?

I will be pro-death penalty and anti-abortion, pro-child but anti-child care, for education but against funding of public schools. As a Republican, I'll have a better chance of getting to spout my opinions in the media, which for some reason seems convinced that since Bush was re-elected with the smallest electoral margin of any sitting president in history, liberals are passe.

As a Republican, I'll say goodbye to "old Jesus" and hello to "new Jesus. " Sure Christ started out as a liberal Jew, and look where that got him. Compassion, love and diatribes against the rich only encourage the weak and punish the most successful among us. The Jesus that Republicans worship is a muscular, decisive, pro-war crusader hard at work cleansing the world of evildoers, not, God forbid, turning the other cheek.
Go read the whole article at Common Dreams.

So, who else is joining the GOP with Mr. Gillenkirk?


At May 30, 2005 1:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

is it possible that Jeff's announcement is a satire? Who would make such comments if they'd actually become a true believer in the Dark side? just wondering

At May 30, 2005 3:15 PM, Blogger Eloy said...

It is pure satire, I do not think Jeff is leaving the left.

At May 30, 2005 10:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would someone please post a citation to the Kennedy definition of a liberal. I think it fits me quite well


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